Gender disparity and domestic violence?

This is an exercise in domestic violence, gender roles and society. It is offered as a sort of “mini-community-survey” and food for thought.





While the perspective is from the male point of view, I invite both genders to speculate on the course of action.





Here’s the situation:





A husband and wife are at home, having a heated argument. The husband is seated at a desk, the wife 10 feet to his left standing. The husband makes a scathing remark (assume no slur or profanity is used), and the wife becomes enraged. She shrieks and runs straight at the husband, her arms outstretched.





If you are the husband, what do you do?





Here’s some more detail: The man is easily 60 pounds heavier than the wife, in decent shape, and has a fair amount of martial arts training. He has no history of violence against anyone, and no criminal record.





The woman has a slight build, has no combat training, and is unarmed. She also has no history of violence and no criminal record, but has a temper.

Gender disparity and domestic violence?
You have a few incorrect details here.





1) The man is of slight build (and has no martial arts training) and the woman is bigger than he.





2) The man has no history of domestic violence but the woman does.





What happens is the man offers no resistance when his wife assaults him and then some incredibly ill-bred and illiterate cops who don't need to be bothered with the facts because their minds are already made up decide to arrest him!
Reply:grab her arms to restrain her (but not hard enough to bruise), and leave the situation asap.
Reply:Duck.
Reply:If he has martial arts training, he should easily be able to subdue her without doing any harm. A simple hold would suffice if she's that crazy.





On the other hand, dodging is very easy.
Reply:I would just grab her by the hands and stop her from coming at me. I wouldn't try to break or sprain anything, but she would have to struggle.
Reply:I think violent people probably grew up in violent homes, though there are exceptions. There are many people who grow up in these homes who do not end up this way. It is not black and white. There is something called the cycle of abuse, where abused male children are very likely to go on to become abusers themselves, thereby repeating the cycle. Thirty percent of child abuse victims become abusers, so in dealing with child abuse and neglect along with other issues in the home, I could foresee a drop in the number of domestic violence situaitons.
Reply:how about physically get away from her without injuring her (should be easy not to her hurt her given the size difference) and call the police.
Reply:I don't understand why martial arts needs to be brought into it, but okay.





The gal needs to step back and control her temper - she shouldn't fly at him.


What I usually do is say, "I don't' want to say anything more, because it's not going to help anything right now," and walk off to cool off.





The husband should apologize for the obviously scathing remark, which was made to have her react the way she did. He did that to piss her off, so he should take a step back too.





If she continues her "lunge" - he needs to just hold her arms and subdue her, preferably by saying he's sorry for the ugly remark. I would think that would calm her down.





sidebar comment - Isn't it funny how we're called emotional when someone says something awful to us, but disparaged because of how we react to it?


Why is that?
Reply:well well well lol i can tell you what i did.


i have been through this and the situation was a bit different but not much. she came at me from across the room and i was standing near the couch. she took a wild swing at me and i moved to the side grabbed the wrist of the hand she was swinging and moved her off bounce and onto the couch. i then backed away and asked her if she was ok, why i was so concerned about her and if she was ok is beyond me but at the time that's what i did. she promised me that she would never try to hit me ever again and said she was sorry. i like a fool believed her, hummmmm well she never did try to hit my with her body ever again so she didn't lie about that but the next time that she got that mad it was the car she tried to run me down with. on that one i froze and well if the car didn't stop sliding in time like it did i would have been crushed between two cars. again i did nothing about it like a fool. now today id have left the first time.
Reply:I would not respond to violrence with violence. I would tickle her until she gains control of her emotions, then appologize to her as appropriate. If her anger was justified, I would stop tickling her and pay her $50....mop the floor, do the dishes, laundy, send her to her mother's, or anything else that pleases her and lets her know she is loved.